Boris Johnson tells police to ‘use full force of law’ against Extinction Rebellion
Boris Johnson has urged police to “use the full force of the law” to deal with climate change protesters. Extinction Rebellion is currently blocking streets around London and has taken over Westminster and Lambeth bridges in the capital, bringing traffic to a standstill.
Celebrity Ruby Wax is one of several famous faces taking part in the protests at Trafalgar Square, along with actress Juliet Stevenson and models Daisy Lowe and Arizona Muse.
Around 135 people have already been arrested in the first few hours of the planned 10-day “shut down”.
The Prime Minister's official spokesman said: “People have the right to protest peacefully but they must do so within the law.
“It is essential that people can continue to go about their business getting to and from work, visiting families and have access to vital public services including emergency services, hospitals and schools.
Protesters are in Trafalgar Square (Image: FACUNDO ARRIZABALAGA/EPA-EFE/REX) A protester is carried away by police (Image: REUTERS) Activists block Lambeth Bridge (Image: REUTERS) Read More Desperate search for schoolgirl, 15, missing after mum dropped her off in town “The right to peaceful protest does not extend to unlawful activity – the Government expects the police to take a firm stance against protesters who significantly disrupt the lives of others and to use the full force of the law.”
But Truly Madly Deeply star, Juliet Stevenson said: “It's a very wonderful action today.
“We can't any longer allow governments to do this so we have to make it clear that there is no more time.
“There's a long tradition in this country of people saying governments are not acting, we have to make them realise how urgent this is.
Ruby Wax joined the protest at Trafalgar Square (Image: PA) Daisy Lowe is adding her support (Image: PA) Read More Girl, 6, born with half her face smiles for first time after pioneering op “I'm optimistic about the energy there is amongst people to act but I'm not hugely optimistic about government stepping up to the plate.
“They're [the government] talking about 2050 and scientists have said we have 12 years before we're in a place where the climate is irreversibly damaging our planet and we won't be able to repair or fix it. We need to make them realise that time is not on our side at the moment.”
Extinction Rebellion is trying to pressure the government into action in an ongoing series of protests in major cities around the world.
The activists have been spotted doing yoga and building a “house” on the bridges, and playing cricket on blocked streets as they settle in around Westminster.
A hearse is used to block the road at the junction of Whitehall and Trafalgar Square during the protests (Image: PA) Extinction Rebellion protests perform yoga on Westminster Bridge a they block key routes to demand climate action (Image: PA) Read More Beauty therapist held hostage and stabbed five times by obsessed ex-boyfriend Police were out in great numbers in London around Whitehall as the planned peaceful civil disobedience that will see activists call for urgent government action to curb carbon emissions kicked off this morning.
Extinction Rebellion has predicted crowds of tens of thousands will join in its “international rebellion” in the capital in coming weeks.
Video Loading Video Unavailable Click to play Tap to play The video will start in 8 Cancel Play now Police were earlier pictured confiscated a giant sculpture of a head that was being used to block Lambeth Bridge.
Officers managed to break into an Extinction Rebellion van and arrest the driver on the bridge earlier this morning.
Protesters chained to a vehicle block Victoria Street in London (Image: PA) A male protester chained on Westminster Bridge, during the morning's protests (Image: PA) Read More Top news stories from Mirror Online 135 climate activists arrested in London Baby injured in knife attack dies Meghan could face dad in court Brit relives hostage horror An onlooker told Press Association protesters had blocked the bridge with two vans and were trying to build a stage.
A small group of activists had also locked themselves to a mock nuclear missile outside the Ministry of Defence, calling on the government to redirect the funds spent on Britain's Trident nuclear submarines towards climate policy.
Hot Skincare Brand Drunk Elephant Sells For $845 million, Minting Founder A Fortune
Shiseido announced Tuesday that it will spend $845 million to acquire Drunk Elephant, the female-founded clean beauty brand that has become one of the fastest-growing prestige skin-care companies in history. Forbes estimates that 50-year-old founder Tiffany Masterson, who will stay on with the brand under Shiseido as chief creative officer and president, will pocket roughly $120 million when the sale closes at the end of the year.
Drunk Elephant had net sales of close to $100 million last year. It’s been backed by San Francisco based private equity firm VMG since 2017. The brand first signaled it was open to an acquisition earlier this year.
The $500 billion beauty industry has been going through a boom in recent years. It was first fueled by a growing market for makeup, and big beauty conglomerates were willing to pay high prices for these hot companies, like It Cosmetics, which sold to L’Óreal for $1.2 billion in 2016, a valuation of more than six times sales. But as the cosmetics industry has contracted more recently, investors and publicly traded beauty companies have turned to skin care. Unilever acquired luxury skin-care startup Tatcha for a reported $500 million in June, a deal valued at roughly five times sales.
Drunk Elephant was said to be hoping to fetch a valuation of more than $1 billion, but even at $845 million, the implied valuation is more than eight times sales, making the Drunk Elephant acquisition one of the biggest ever for a skin-care brand.
Masterson founded Drunk Elephant in Houston in 2012 while she was a stay-at-home mom of four . With the help of a contract chemist, Masterson developed serums and creams formulated without what she deemed as the “suspicious six” ingredients: essential oils, drying alcohols, silicones, chemical sunscreens, fragrances and sodium lauryl sulfate. Early on, Masterson’s brother-in-law invested $300,000 and her brother also invested an undisclosed amount and became president. Drunk Elephant is now one of the top-selling brands at Sephora, its exclusive brick-and-mortar retailer.
“I don’t look at other brands. I don’t go into Sephora anymore,” Masterson told Forbes in 2017 . “I don’t follow trends. I stay close to home and stay in my lane. I do what I need. I’m a consumer first.”
Tarte Is Having a Huge Sale on All of Its Tape Shape Products
Tarte Is Having a Huge Sale on All of Its Tape Shape Products By October 8, 2019 Courtesy of brand
(UPDATE October 8, 2019): Some exciting news is here, folks: In honor of its 19th birthday, Tarte is having a 24-hour flash sale on its best-selling Tape Shape Contour Concealer, as well as the rest of the Tape Shape family. For those who don’t know, this includes products like Shape Tape 12-Hour Eye Primer Stick , Shape Tape Hydrating Foundation , Shape Tape Setting Powder , and much more.
The millennial-favorite brand posted about the flash sale on its Instagram, writing, “You can have your 🎂 and eat it too because TODAY ONLY, ALL shape tape products are 25% off on tarte.com.” All you have to do in order to secure your discount is use the code “SHAPETAPE” at checkout and you’re good to go.
There are currently only 13 hours left for you to shop the sale, so needless to say, jump on it sooner rather than later. Head to tartecosmetics.com now to stock up on your Shape Tape favorites.
This story was originally published on December 6, 2017.
Tarte has a major week ahead. Starting today at 9 pm est, the beauty brand is celebrating its Friends and Family event with five days of deals. Spoiler alert: The main star of this sale is a Tarte product that has rarely been on sale before.
Ready for the main event? The popular Tarte Shape Tape concealer will be on sale for 25 percent for the next twelve hours. The multi-tasking makeup is normally $27, so plan on spending $20.25. Just make sure to use the code TARTEBFF at checkout to apply the discount.
The Family and Friends event will continue for the next five days, the Shape Tape concealer is only on sale, however, for the next 12 hours. The thing about the sale is Tarte is being sneaky and not revealing the rest of the products that will be included in the days of deals. However, one thing is for sure: A Shape Tape sale has rarely happened before — one of the last times being the Tarte’s birthday event. Tarte is usually extremely methodical with Shape Tape’s inventory. Because it sells out so quickly, Tarte has instated limits on how may Shape Tapes customers can buy at a time (two, by the way). I’m not sure how Tarte is preparing for this week’s big event, but I have a feeling your go-to shade might blow off digital shelves a couple hours after the sale day is announced. With that in mind, you’re going to want to check Tarte’s website every day. Most Popular
Arsonists are torching the Amazon. This elite team of firefighters stands in their way. – The Washington Post
Arsonists are torching the Amazon. This elite team of firefighters stands in their way. Add to list Bio Follow October 8 at 4:34 PM NOVO SANTO ANTONIO, Brazil — No one could stop the fire. It had burned for 10 days already, across 25 miles, when the rancher made the desperate call to the only person he thought could still help. “Let me ask a question,” Edimar Santos Abreu responded. “The fire — is it happening in the forest?” “The forest!” the rancher said. Abreu, 45, put down the phone. Little forest remained in this corner of the Amazon basin in Mato Grosso state. What was once a blanket of continuous green foliage is now a checkerboard of arid and dusty farmland. One of the only things keeping the last shards of forest here from getting torched and bulldozed into cattle and soy farms is Abreu’s team of firefighters: the Alliance Brigade. Known locally as the “guerreiros de fogo” — the “fire warriors” — they spread across hundreds of miles each day to contain blazes lit by land grabbers trying to burn, claim and develop the forest. [ Why the Amazon is burning, and what it means for climate change ] The daily battle — between fire and nature, conservation and development — is intensifying across the Amazon. Since the inauguration of Brazil’s pro-development president, Jair Bolsonaro , deforestation has soared . Fires now rage across the Amazon . In August, officials counted nearly 31,000, a nine-year high. The number fell in September , but the year-to-date total remained up for 2019. They’re burning in public parks. On private ranches. On government land. On Indian reservations. In so many places, and across such an immense sweep of forest, that stopping them all can seem impossible. But perhaps here, in northeast Mato Grosso, the forest could still be defended. Where the brigade is active, the burn rate has plummeted. Some describe the team as a potential model for the rest of the Amazon. The challenge, however, in a land this remote, with few people and little infrastructure, is obvious — reaching the fire in time. Abreu drove hours down pockmarked dirt roads, past towns cloaked in red dirt, to discover an apocalyptic scene. Cows had died of smoke inhalation. An expanse of charred earth reached toward the horizon. The farmworkers had thrown nearly everything at the inferno, from water to heaps of dirt. Most of it had been defeated. Abreu had to finish the job. He peered into a quiet patch of trees. “Do you hear that?” Abreu asked. “Fire.” He pulled on his cap. He unsheathed his long knife. Then he hacked into the foliage and disappeared into the trees, in search of the fight. [ Brazil’s Bolsonaro says he might accept G-7 offer to help fight Amazon fires — if Macron apologizes ] A violent struggle for land fuels the fires Mato Grosso means “thick bush,” and until recently the name fit. The last asphalt road ended long before this corner of the state. The only reasonable way in was by plane. And the humidity of the trees was a natural flame retardant: Fire dissolved at the forest’s edge, like magic. This was the land that John Carter, the former U.S. Army paratrooper who founded the Alliance Brigade a decade ago, came to know when he moved here from Texas in 1996. “An island in the forest,” was how he described his ranch then. Now, looking out at the Araguaia State Park, he could see that it was the forest that had become the island. “This wind,” he said, feeling it pick up. “It’s going to burn today.” “Uncontrollable,” Abreu agreed. They boarded Carter’s aluminum boat and chugged out onto the River of the Dead. Carter, a compact man in a cowboy hat and boots, scanned the scorched coastline for plumes of smoke. When he first piloted his single-engine down here, he had no idea why there were so many fires. But he would learn. There was big money in “flipping” the forest — burning it, then selling it as farmland — and squatters and speculators wanted in. A Brazilian law allowed the purchase of uninhabited public land here at deep discounts. Then agrarian reform efforts made private land a target for landless poor. The result was a violent struggle involving ranchers, indigenous peoples and squatters in which the best way for settlers to claim forest, no matter the owner, was to burn it. “There!” Carter said, pointing at rising smoke. “They’re lighting it everywhere!” The boat sped toward the plume. Former U.S. Army paratrooper turned rancher John Carter started the Alliance Brigade in 2009 to combat fires in the Amazon. He still journeys into the rainforest with the firefighters. (Terrence McCoy/The Washington Post) Members of the Alliance Brigade travel the River of the Dead in search of fires last month. (Terrence McCoy/The Washington Post) Fire so defines Carter’s life that it’s difficult to remember a time when it didn’t. In 1999, squatters started burning a neighbor’s forest. In 2008, they came for Carter’s land, torching the 50 percent he had preserved — more than 10,000 acres. Enraged, and fearful of what he might do, he gave away nearly all of his guns. But the anger — that he couldn’t dispose of. “I can’t even see the beauty anymore,” he said. “I just see rage. Because we know what the future holds.” To Carter, the future: the entire Amazon transformed by an avalanche of development and deforestation. It was a scenario he once couldn’t envision. But he has seen it happen in Mato Grosso, on his land, and now again on this river. Araguaia State Park, half the size of Rhode Island, doesn’t have a single patrol officer. Squatters are exploiting the void by lighting fires to destroy the forest so there’s no choice but to develop it. Three fires now flared along the river. Smoke filled the sky. The boat hit the shore. “Let’s see if we can catch them,” Carter said, charging into the forest. A plume of smoke rises over the River of the Dead. Authorities believe the fires are lit by land grabbers. (Terrence McCoy/The Washington Post) Ranchers could be part of the solution Kika Carter couldn’t get her husband to calm down. The smoke had grown so thick they couldn’t see across the river. They could barely drive. Barely fly. Barely breathe. She told him to do something about it. They had launched a partnership that used market incentives to encourage sustainable ranching, garnering international attention. Maybe they could do something about the fires, too. “This frustration,” she recalled telling him. “You just need to get it done.” He wrote a letter asking the Smokejumpers — the highly trained first responders who parachute into remote areas to fight wildfires — to train some locals here. To his surprise, they said they would do it. The result, according to Douglas Morton, a NASA official and Amazon expert, was “the best-equipped and -trained” privately organized brigade in the basin. The eight initial members roved, fighting fires and championing a counterintuitive premise: Ranchers were less a cause of the fires than part of the solution. They could be trained, too. On nearby ranches, fires plummeted. In the forest of Alto Xingu, fires fell 77 percent where they patrol. Smoke diminished around John Carter’s ranch, and local health officials registered a 25 percent drop in hospital visits for breathing problems. Alliance Brigade commander Edimar Santos Abreu uses a blower to create a fire break around the flames in Araguaia State Park. (Terrence McCoy/The Washington Post) “This could be a model,” said Britaldo Silveira Soares Filho, a researcher at the Federal University of Minas Gerais. “When a firefighter is not someone you can go summon to go there and fight the fire, you have to train someone there.” Or it will burn. Carter and Abreu hurried into the forest, dodging thorned fronds. They spotted horse tracks and followed them. But what they found a mile into the forest wasn’t a squatter. It was a fire, burning low and hot. They stared at it, wordless. They had called federal park authorities but were told the problem was the state’s. They had called state park authorities but were told the Araguaia didn’t have a patrol officer, let alone firefighters. They had called the police but were told an arrest could be made only if the arsonist was caught in the act. “We don’t have the people or the knowledge to deal with this in the park,” said Mariano Neto, the local police chief. The only thing left was to put it out themselves. [ Why Brazilian farmers are burning the rainforest — and why it’s so hard for Bolsonaro to stop them ] The Amazon is burning Back at his house on Carter’s ranch, Abreu pulled on his khaki coat, slid on his boots and tied his long knife around his waist. He was furious. Not only at the arsonist but also at how the broader story of the fires was being told. The international outrage to him was artifice, whipped up to delegitimize Bolsonaro. Every year the forest burned, and every year more of it was knocked down. Where was the anger in 2007, when far more fires burned than this year? Where was it in 2010, when Mato Grosso was positively flammable, hitting double the number of fires as this year? To Abreu, this year is barely discernible from most. All that’s different is who’s in power. One of the most important tools of the jungle firefighter has is the long knife, for cutting through dense foliage to reach remote fires. (Terrence McCoy/The Washington Post) That was why, when people mocked Bolsonaro for saying his critics had started the fires to make him look bad, Abreu didn’t join in. On the frontier, with its endless cycle of violence and retribution, it made sense. Bolsonaro, in his calls to develop the Amazon, had “assaulted with words” the environmentalists and indigenous people. Some of the fires, Abreu believed, were payback. Others were deforestation. Others were simply to watch a beautiful thing burn. [ Putting out the Amazon fires isn’t just a physical challenge — it’s a political one ] He grabbed his hat. He climbed back onto the boat, picked up two other firefighters, crossed the river and went into the forest. The men carried nothing but machetes, a few jugs of drinking water and a leaf blower. Up ahead, smoke was rising. The sound of popping and crackling was everywhere. The fire was now sweeping in length, the height of its flames reaching 20 feet — and growing. “Strategy,” Abreu said. “Lots of strategy.” He had no chance of extinguishing it. The fire was too big; the firefighters too few. The only option was containment. He would build a fire break — a gap in vegetation around the edge of the blaze — to box it in and let it burn out on its own. But when he charged toward the numbing heat, the flames lashed unpredictably. “Too much!” another firefighter yelled. They retreated, fanning out across a half-mile front of fire. Abreu used his leaf blower to create the fire break. The others slashed at the brush with their machetes. They battled until the sun was gone and the fire was no longer the hot orange of flame but the deep red of ember. What had taken one person seconds to light had taken three men hours to quell. They started for Carter’s ranch, exhausted, silent. They needed to rest. It wouldn’t be long before the next fire was lit. A fire burns in Araguaia State Park. (Terrence McCoy/The Washington Post) Marina Lopez contributed to this report from Sao Paulo. Read more:
The Hidden Cost of Doing It All
Women have been grappling with the gendered division of labor since, you know, the turn of the century. This discontent took a turn during the second Industrial Revolution, when many hoped that women’s work outside the home would bring about change in the division of labor inside the home. No such revolution happened.
In fact, according to a recent United Nations report, the modern woman still does nearly three times as much unpaid domestic work as a man. Sure, men are taking on more responsibility than they traditionally have in the past, but even the most well-intentioned men are still not doing their fair share at home.
. In other words, the unpaid job of scrubbing the toilet still falls on us. It’s women’s work. This model begins in childhood, when girls begin shouldering 50 percent more of the household work than boys. These “gendered messages are seeping into our tender little psyches” from a very young age, writes Sara Petersen about the early messaging that sets girls up to be babysitters and household helpers, and who later become women who assume the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare in their adult homes.
But at what cost? I thought a lot about the toll that an encumbered mind was taking on me. It was impacting every aspect of my life, and I wanted to take the discussion wider, beyond my own family and friends. I went into full “quest” mode, asking women everywhere—in airports and coffee shops, in grocery checkout lines, on the playground and Little League fields—to consider the costs of this mental load in several different aspects of their lives.
Consider the cost to your partnership or marriage…
In the form of exhaustion, resentment, and resigned to feeling alone and isolated in your relationship. I posted the following question on social media: When I think about who does the majority of household work and childcare in my household, I feel .
Out of a pool of 150 women that I sourced from active mommy groups, a version of the following three responses rose to the top:
“I feel like running away to escape the exhaustion.” “I feel pissed off at my husband.” “I feel that this will always be my role.” I found similar sentiments echoed in Twitter feeds, Facebook chats, and social media memes. The groundswell of “The Invisible Workload Is Killing Me and My Marriage” messaging was bubbling up in conversations and publications everywhere. In a revealing series on modern divorce, writer Lyz Lenz shares , “I stopped cooking because I wanted to feel as unencumbered as a man walking through the door of his home with the expectation that something (everything) had been done for him. I wanted to be free of cutting coupons and rolling dough and worrying about dinnertimes and feeding. I wanted to rest. To be just like him and sit with the kids and play.”
When you multiply this feeling of being overwhelmed, resentment, and resignation over and over and over again, it’s no shock that a recent study found women who were tasked with more invisible household work than their husbands were more likely to be dissatisfied in their marriages .
Related Story Women Aren’t Nags—We’re Just Fed Up Consider the cost to your identity… In the form of a lost sense of your pre-parent self, and a feeling of disconnection from the passions and purpose that make you uniquely you.
When getting the baby out of the car seat and safely into the stroller, applying sunscreen to sensitive cheeks, placing a lovey and sippy cup onto baby’s lap and speaking in your most soothing mama bear voice to suppress a came-out-of-nowhere deafening meltdown—all so that you can walk from the parking lot and into the pharmacy for a fresh tube of nipple cream in the same quasi-pajama pants you wore yesterday (and maybe the day before) feels like the biggest accomplishment in the world—do you ever think, Who have I become? You’re not alone.
“It’s really a dance where you lean in to take care of your baby, but you have to lean out to take care of yourself,” says reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks. “Because you’re still a human being, and you still have to care for your own body, your own emotions, your relationship with your partner, with your friends, your intellectual life, your spiritual life, your hobbies . . . all these other aspects of your identity and your basic needs. Even if you want to just give unconditionally to your child, you can’t, because we’re humans. We’re not robots.”
Related Story Men Have No Friends—and Women Bear the Burden Consider the cost to your career… In the form of the pay gap between mothers and non-mothers, which—GET THIS—is wider than the pay gap between men and women. “Whether women work at Walmart or on Wall Street, getting pregnant is often the moment [women] are knocked off the professional ladder,” asserted a recent New York Times investigative piece. Did you know that you took an economic risk becoming a mother? That’s because in our culture, “mom” has been deemed the she-fault, de facto household manager and caretaker. If the school calls, Mom picks up. If a child is sick, Mom stays home. If the dry cleaning/rent check/prescription order needs to be dropped off, Mom gets to work late, even though her workday already began many hours earlier in order to get her children out of bed, fed, dressed, and dropped at daycare.
Then, once at work, up pops an email forwarded from your husband that makes your stomach turn:
Subject: Inspection Reminder for plate number GEG8612 With a hurried note: This appointment is today. Can’t get away from the office. Can you handle? You take a deep breath and think, Sure, honey, I’ll leave work early AGAIN and spend my afternoon waiting in line at the DMV.
Imagine if you could forward just a handful of the household and child-related emails you receive to your spouse or partner to “handle”? How much mental relief would that provide to you? When our husbands press forward because they know we will take care of it, they get to stay committed at work and receive the rewards of higher pay for their disproportionate willingness to work longer and less flexible hours. Hop on a plane to Las Vegas for a conference in the middle of the week? No problem for many husbands/fathers. Meanwhile, we fight to stay valuable at the office and also be on call for any daily disruption or domestic interruption at home. I call that double-committed. Well, certainly, overcommitted.
We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.
When you consider the “mommy tax” that decreases a mother’s earning power by 5 to 10 percent for every child she brings into the world due to missed opportunities for promotions, prestigious assignments, pay increases, and bonuses, then you understand the true price of motherhood. “For most companies, the ideal worker is ‘unencumbered,’ that is, free of all ties other than those to his job. Anyone who can’t devote
all his or her energies to paid work is barred from the best jobs and has a permanently lower lifetime income,” writes author Ann Crittenden. “Not coincidentally, almost all the people in that category happen to be mothers.”
“They don’t work as hard,” is how a Plano, Texas, doctor explained in the Dallas Medical Journal as to why female doctors’ salaries amounted to about two-thirds of their male counterparts’. “Most of the time their priority is something else. . . . Family, social, whatever.”
Don’t you just love that? Clearly he’s never done the “whatever.” We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.
Related Story Busy Philipps’ Game-Changing Relationship Advice Consider the cost to your wellness… In the form of exhaustion, stress, and compromised mental bandwidth. In a survey done by Today that interviewed more than 7,000 moms across the country, most rated their stress levels at an 8.5 out of 10, mirroring a recent report by the scientific journal Brain and Behavior, showing women are twice as likely to be affected by anxiety disorders as men.
As I expanded my focus group, I began conducting more rigorous research to explore this “stress gap.” Because I’m not a trained mental health professional or an academic, I sought out expert voices on the subject. Number one on my list was Darby Saxbe, a psychology professor at the University of Southern California and researcher on the gendered division of labor. Saxbe also lives in Los Angeles, so we agreed to meet at Din Tai Fung to share soup dumplings and swap insights on the health and wellness industry.
Before Saxbe took her first bite, she said, “I’ll let you in on a secret. The wellness industry is certainly hip to imbalanced gender roles. How many beauty messages have you received in the last month via email or social media that offer a cosmetic remedy for battling fatigue or overworked and tired skin?” she asked me.
I took a sip of my tea and guessed, “Twenty?”
“At least, right? Women need to ask themselves—what’s more transformative to my life? A new serum for dark circles or a more fair and balanced division of labor in my home?”
This got us laughing over a new revolutionary skin care campaign: Hydration or a more helpful husband?
“The latter is a better bet for tackling tired skin.” Saxbes miled. “But joking aside, women are suffering.”
I interjected, “Did you see that recent survey by Healthy Women and Working Mother ? Seventy-eight percent of moms say they are so busy maintaining family stability by being constantly available, mentally and physically, to deal with every detail of home life that they aren’t taking care of them-selves?”
“And because so many of us have less unwinding and restorative time,” said Saxbe, “we’re generating more of the stress hormone cortisol. This is toxic to women’s health.”
What’s more transformative to my life? A new serum for dark circles or a more fair and balanced division of labor in my home?
Consider the cost to our society… Robbed of valuable productivity and top female leadership and talent as 43 percent of highly qualified women with children take a career detour. This includes college-educated women who invested in an education and who presumably never planned to exit the workforce . . . but many do so anyway, feeling that they grossly underestimated the demands and difficulty of combining work and parenting. “I went from running a company to banging a spoon on my head to keep my baby occupied and entertained,” sighed Elaine, who holds three degrees from Ivy League schools.
Today, women earn the majority of undergraduate and graduate degrees and are now breadwinners in four out of 10 families—and still a meaningful number of women (like me) significantly scale back or “opt out” of the workforce. A good number of them never return to work outside the home after having children, and those who do, research shows, often return to lower-paying jobs with lower earnings trajectories.
Do you, too, feel that you cannot be as “ambitious” as your male counterparts because you’re at mental overload, caring for children and running a household while also working on starting, building, or establishing your career? Then you can get a sense of how many more women in their homes and communities across the country are saying: How can any of us possibly lean in if we can’t rely on consistent contributions from our partners?
“It’s not actually motherhood or kids that derail women’s careers and personal ambitions—it’s men who refuse to do their fair share,” writes author and columnist Jessica Valenti. “If fathers did the same kind of work at home that mothers have always done, women’s careers could flourish in ways we haven’t yet imagined.” My friend Jenny Galluzzo, co-founder of Second Shift, a company that helps women remain engaged and succeed in the workplace, breaks it down like this: “AMBITION gap, my ass. What we’re dealing with is an exhaustion gap!”
Having to remind your partner to do something doesn’t take that something off your list. It adds to it. And what’s more, reminding is often unfairly characterized as nagging. (Almost every man interviewed in connection with this project said nagging is what they hate most about being married, but they also admit that they wait for their wives to tell them what todo at home.) It’s not a partnership if only one of you is running the show, which means making the important distinction between delegating tasks and handing off ownership of a task. Ownership belongs to the person who first off remembers to plan, then plans, and then follows through on every aspect of executing the plan and completing the task without reminders.
A survey conducted by Bright Horizons—an on-site corporate childcare provider—found that 86 percent of working mothers say they handle the majority of family and household responsibilities, “not just making appointments, but also driving to them and mentally calendaring who needs to be where, and when.” In order to save us from big-time burnout, we need our partners to be more than helpers who carry out instructions that we’ve taken time and energy to think through (and then who blame us when things fall through the cracks). We need our partners to take the lead by consistently picking up a task week after week—and completely taking it off our mental to-do list by doing every aspect of what the task requires. Otherwise we still worry about whether the task is being done as we would do it, or done fully, or done at all—which leaves us still shouldering the mental and emotional load for the “help” or the “favor” we had to ask for.
But how do we get our partners to take that initiative and own every aspect of a household or childcare responsibility without being (nudge, nudge) told what to do? Or, to simply figure it out? That’s what I needed to figure out.
If we want our partners to feel empowered and capable of succeeding, rather than clueless or helpless until directed, we have to ditch the maternal gatekeeping control (e.g., It’s my way or move out! ) and create way more context (e.g., Here’s how it’s done from start to finish—and why we’ve agreed to do it this way). Couples who adopt the Fair Play system know exactly what tasks are in play within their homes, along with explicitly defined and mutually agreed-upon expectations for each task and clear, delineated roles and responsibilities that help rebalance the domestic work load with fairness. Imagine your home life with such efficiency. It’s no longer a sh*t show!
Eve Rodsky For her first book, FAIR PLAY , Eve Rodsky interviewed more than 500 hundred couples, from all walks of life, to figure out what the invisible work in a family actually is and how to get it done efficiently. More From Features The Mental Toll of C-Sections No-one Talks About Busy Philipps’ Game-Changing Relationship Advice I Was Divorced at 30 Nancy Pelosi on Trump and the Future Kris Jenner & Yolanda Hadid Are the New Dynasties Why Fur Shouldn’t Be Banned Is It a Mistake to Hire a Hot Nanny? Christy Turlington Burns on Every Mother Counts Babies Banned from the Red Carpet